Tag Archives: Food Network

Food Network vs. The World

altonbrownSince we’ve never actually identified ourselves on Ye Olde Cageboy blog, reading the various  posts are a bit like peeling the layers of an onion.  The sum of the parts will give you a pretty clear picture of what my associate and I are all about.  And thus, we come to Skippy’s confession of the day….I’m completely mental for Food Network.  I watch it all the time.  If there is nothing on, I’m watching it.  Sometimes I even forget to switch over to major sporting events or Presidential addresses because I’m watching Food Network.  I’ve been watching it for years.  And I must say, it’s done quite a bit of good and I’ve gained quite an impressive culinary education from the likes of Alton Brown (shown here), Bob Flay, Jamie Oliver, Anthony Bourdain, that fuzzy little bitch Emiril and others.  Probably more by osmosis than actual study.  The white noise of my daily routine includes information about fatty acids, various spices and varieties of food stuff from all over the world.  In my case, it’s been effective.  At the time I got married, I couldn’t cook anything to save my life.  Neither could my wife.  We spent our college lives living at home and working jobs while we went to class during the day.  So, the first couple of years we were married, we ate whatever we could manage.  It wasn’t pretty.  And then we decided what the hell?  It’s just us – if we ruin something in the kitchen, we’re the only ones that will suffer and go hungry.  So, we honed and refined and came up with a half a dozen or so meals that we were pretty adept at throwing together.  To this day, we still occasionally make a dish we have dubbed “Dirty Chicken”.  It looks like a train wreck – but tastes fantastic  – and it’s relatively healthy.  Look for my Cageboy Cookbook coming soon!

Before we get off track – I want to get back to talking about the Food Network.  And I want to say right up front that the premise of my problem with the FN is not my own.  I can’t recall exactly where I read or heard the criticism – but it’s absolutely true – Food Network is making the same mistake MTV made back in the early 90’s.  In the beginning, Food Network was just a collection of one “How To Cook This and That” show after another.  Big time, expert chef’s breaking it down for we morons on the other end of the boob tube.  Sometime recently Bobby Flay (who I don’t especially care for ANYWAY) went from being the resident grill monkey to “Throwing Down” all the time.  Just friggin’ show me how to grill up a nice pork chop, you chowder head – you don’t have to run around getting in everybody’s face and challenging them to a duel.  What the hell is up with that?  Everything is a Challenge nowadays on FN.  Nobody just cooks.  Now Ace of Cakes I like.  They seem like cool dudes that I’d hang out with – but here we have FN going down the road of reality programming.  You are on VERY shaky ground here Food Network people!  One minute MTV had awesome music videos and the next it was all Real World and Jackass.  Don’t need that in my Food Network. 

Seriously, I’m gonna punch out the Cageboy Cookbook – get a show – and the average schlub making Shake-n-Bake will return to basic cable and we’ll kick it up a notch – BAM!!!!

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Diner, Drive-Ins, Dives and Indigestion

We got no biography to speak of – so you’ll just have to get to know me and the Mookster by and by.  Here’s a nugget…we’re both members of the bigman’s club.  Not talking sloppy fat and sweaty – just big and proud to lumber through this life with our heads held high knocking down trees.  Yeah, that’s it – like strapping lumberjacks – THAT kind of big.

So, anywho, a couple of days ago I started a great experiment that I originally had decided against blogging on.  But what the hell?  You already know about my unnatural obsession with American Idol – I might as well let you know about this too.  I started on the NutriSystem to drop a few L-B-S.  No big deal. 

Today is day 2 of Ye Olde NutriSystem.  Not bad.  The food ain’t bad.  I like that it comes all ready to go.  A minute in the microwave and boom – I’m eating it.  Tastes like real food.  I can tell my metabolism is already going wonky on me.  It’s like I’m good, not hungry, not hungry, not hungry……starving.  There’s no more of that slow burn – I’m either full up or starving.  That’ll even out, I’m sure.  I don’t know if this has anything to do with the diet – but I haven’t been able to drink a diet coke with the new food.  It’s like the carbonation doesn’t sit well with the heavy protein in the food.  That and the fact that I’m trying to down 8 glasses of water a day – 4 standard bottles.  Doesn’t seem like a lot – but tell that to my bladder.  Good Lord!  I also like that I have a little check list for when I eat stuff.  It’s all planned out.  It’s more like a run down to make sure I eat everything I’m supposed to.  There’s a lot of little snacks and things that are easy to overlook.  Right now, I’m pretty much up to date – more water and I believe I have a fruit serving and a dairy serving in the form of string cheese waiting for me in the fridge.  Lunch is fettucini and salad with fat-free dressing.  Hey shut up – I gotta look forward to something.  Dinner tonight is pizza, which I snatched from the bottom of my dinner-box at home.  Yum! 

As I’m flipping around the stations on the magic picture box last night I came across that Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives show on the food network.  Normally I really like this show.  The host basically rolls around the country and shows off the really horrifying food served at establishments like the Vienna Inn all over the country.  Really super bad for you diner and bar kind of food.  Which I love!  Last night, as I munched on my NutriSystem peanut butter cookie, I found it to be like way over the top hard-core food pornography.  I had to look away and change the channel.  That’s probably not a good sign, eh?

UPDATE:  Wednesday, 5/14 – here it is two days later.  I’m off it.  God bless you if NutriSystem is your thing and it works for you.  At least one reader of the blog is valiantly plugging away it and I encourage them with every fiber of my being – but it just wouldn’t work for me.  I hit a speed-bump at lunch on the day I wrote this initial blog.  The fetuccini made me ill to the point that I’m still not fully over it.  And it’s probably me – it’s more in my head than in my stomach – but that little cup of awful threw me for a loop.  However, I feel like I got a good – albeit brief – education on portion size.  No, I think I’ll opt for some more traditional approaches to diet and exercise and will forego my big box of NutriSystem approved foods.

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