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Food Network vs. The World

altonbrownSince we’ve never actually identified ourselves on Ye Olde Cageboy blog, reading the various  posts are a bit like peeling the layers of an onion.  The sum of the parts will give you a pretty clear picture of what my associate and I are all about.  And thus, we come to Skippy’s confession of the day….I’m completely mental for Food Network.  I watch it all the time.  If there is nothing on, I’m watching it.  Sometimes I even forget to switch over to major sporting events or Presidential addresses because I’m watching Food Network.  I’ve been watching it for years.  And I must say, it’s done quite a bit of good and I’ve gained quite an impressive culinary education from the likes of Alton Brown (shown here), Bob Flay, Jamie Oliver, Anthony Bourdain, that fuzzy little bitch Emiril and others.  Probably more by osmosis than actual study.  The white noise of my daily routine includes information about fatty acids, various spices and varieties of food stuff from all over the world.  In my case, it’s been effective.  At the time I got married, I couldn’t cook anything to save my life.  Neither could my wife.  We spent our college lives living at home and working jobs while we went to class during the day.  So, the first couple of years we were married, we ate whatever we could manage.  It wasn’t pretty.  And then we decided what the hell?  It’s just us – if we ruin something in the kitchen, we’re the only ones that will suffer and go hungry.  So, we honed and refined and came up with a half a dozen or so meals that we were pretty adept at throwing together.  To this day, we still occasionally make a dish we have dubbed “Dirty Chicken”.  It looks like a train wreck – but tastes fantastic  – and it’s relatively healthy.  Look for my Cageboy Cookbook coming soon!

Before we get off track – I want to get back to talking about the Food Network.  And I want to say right up front that the premise of my problem with the FN is not my own.  I can’t recall exactly where I read or heard the criticism – but it’s absolutely true – Food Network is making the same mistake MTV made back in the early 90’s.  In the beginning, Food Network was just a collection of one “How To Cook This and That” show after another.  Big time, expert chef’s breaking it down for we morons on the other end of the boob tube.  Sometime recently Bobby Flay (who I don’t especially care for ANYWAY) went from being the resident grill monkey to “Throwing Down” all the time.  Just friggin’ show me how to grill up a nice pork chop, you chowder head – you don’t have to run around getting in everybody’s face and challenging them to a duel.  What the hell is up with that?  Everything is a Challenge nowadays on FN.  Nobody just cooks.  Now Ace of Cakes I like.  They seem like cool dudes that I’d hang out with – but here we have FN going down the road of reality programming.  You are on VERY shaky ground here Food Network people!  One minute MTV had awesome music videos and the next it was all Real World and Jackass.  Don’t need that in my Food Network. 

Seriously, I’m gonna punch out the Cageboy Cookbook – get a show – and the average schlub making Shake-n-Bake will return to basic cable and we’ll kick it up a notch – BAM!!!!


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The Return Of The Cageboy

Is there anybody out there in blogland?  The Cageboys have been SERIOUSLY derelict in our blogging duties.  Been doing some blogging for my real job – which I won’t bore you with – but I only have but so many words swirling around in my evil head. 

Frankly, the whole political season is taking it’s toll on my normally jovial demeanor.  We don’t do political here at Cageboy.  And no, I won’t endorse ANY candidate.  Unlike my church that flat out came right out and said that if I don’t vote for the candidate THEY endorse – it’s gonna be between me and the man upstairs.  No pressure though – free will and all that.  Whatever.  Dem, GOP, red, blue – take it outside.  I’m SO sick of the endless accusations and mudslinging on BOTH sides.  One guy will win and one guy will lose and frankly, it doesn’t really all that much matter WHO it is.  When you come right down to it – politics is a process.  The pres-o-dent doesn’t really have the power to change laws  – checks and balances and so forth.  Certainly, whoever is in the big chair has influence – but a whole slew of people need to agree before laws get made or changed.  And by the time a person ascends the ladder to be in a position to be voted into the highest political office in the land – they are OWNED by somebody.  Everybody is somebodies bitch because money makes the world go ’round.  If I had a couple of million bucks laying around, I’d buy me some politicians just to prove my point.

Vote Walken.  He needs more cowbell….

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Vote Cageboy In 2008

That’s right – the Cageboys are throwing their pointy hats into the ring!

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I think we at have done a good job honoring George Carlin.  Not to belabor the point, but the guy really made us laugh for a long time.  When you see the outpouring of love for an entertainer like Carlin, the immediate reaction tends to be “It’s a shame that he had to die to achieve the recognition.”  I don’t think that’s the case with George Carlin.  Just last week it was announced that he would be receiving the Mark Twain Award for lifetime achievement at the Kennedy Center in July.  And when you read all the accolades in the news, Carlin is lauded as an innovator – a unique voice in comedy and entertainment.  What I love is that the guy absolutely made every step of the way on his own terms.  For a long time, Carlin was too hot to touch.  The “7 Dirty Words” bit spawned federal lawsuits, got him kicked out of Vegas (WTF?) and even got him persona non grata status on the Johnny Carson Show.  Ya know what George had to say about it?  He looked right into the camera and said “F*** You, Johnny!”  Holy Snikes – in the world of entertainment, you have got to have stones as big as church bells to go there!  And yet, from all accounts (and I especially love Kevin Smith’s tribute) Carlin was a normal guy who wouldn’t big time you.  I never had the pleasure of meeting the man, but everyone says that the guy you see on the screen and on the stage is the genuine article – albeit a slightly ratcheted down and polite version of the man you see delivering the lines.

I can’t imagine that we’ll have much more to say about Carlin – except that he was brilliant and we loved his comedy.  We even replaced our masthead with the Buddy Christ to shepherd George home.  According to George there were only four places you could go when you die – heaven, hell, purgatory or limbo.  “Welcome to limboooooooooo”.  Given all the smiles he created and the love that was felt for him universally – the Cageboys have a pretty good idea where George is headed.

Call in sick or set your DVR.  HBO is doing a two-day marathon of classic Carlin concerts.  And here’s your public service message for the day…


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The world has lost a funny, funny man.  We’re flying the Cageboy flag at half mast in honor of comedy icon George Carlin.  He was great and his humor lives on forever.  Run out and hoarde Carlin disks.  I’m shutting my door and listening to “7 Dirty Words” as a tribute.  S,P,F,C, CS, MF & T!

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Mookie’s Thoughts – Part 1

“I think you can measure a man’s girth by the space between his back pockets.”

“People say you are the sum of your thoughts.  But I think you are actually the difference of your thoughts, i.e., take your thoughts, subtract those which you borrow from others, and the remainder is you.  I know–turns out I mostly consist of phone numbers, senseless limericks and the incorrect lyrics to popular songs.”

“If it were up to me, there would be no hunger in the world.”

“Frankly, I don’t care how much I weigh, I just want my neck to stop jiggling when I walk.”

“You know that old saying, ‘I pitied the man without shoes until I saw the man without feet’?  I didn’t think so; but not having feet would suck, right?”

“I think the best titles for record albums are to combine opposite concepts, like ‘Idiosyncratic Routine’ or ‘Fleshy Skeleton’ or ‘The Poverty of Opulence’ or ‘Clarity of a Twisted Mind'”

“I’d kill for a Dreamsicle.”

“The Zen philosoper Basha once said, ‘A flute with no holes is not a flute; and a donut with no holes is a Danish.’  Funny guy.”

“I love rainy days and Mondays; and particularly rainy Mondays.”

“Though neither is particularly appealing, I think I prefer paisleys instead of stripes.”

“At what point did the Germans start looking at Hitler and saying, ‘This guy. . . . what’s with this guy?  Something about this guy’s not right.”

“Did I go to Wendy’s twice yesterday?”

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