Alright, settle down all you weird internet pervs – this is a post about my new favorite beverage – Squirt!
(Editor’s Note: We might have to actually end up renaming this blog “Eating With The Cageboys” as a great many of our posts tend to be about food. But, we likes our eats and drinks here in Cageboy Land and we want to share our vast and varied experience with the same. Please, I implore you in the name of all that is delicious, heed our advice as we do actually drop some gustatory nuggets of knowledge in these pages. You’ll thank us later! And yes, if you dig through these pages, you will find another post extolling the virtues of Squirt – but having rediscovered the citrusy nectar – I felt compelled to speak of it again.)
Here’s the thing about Squirt – you can’t get it. That is to say, it exists, but apparently only gets stocked in little pockets of the world that you probably don’t frequently visit. I found it originally on a beach vacation. In from the scorching sun and rooting through the local supermercado, I was one parched hombre. And as I strolled down the beverage aisle, the bright yellow and red label jumped out at me hollering SQUIRT!!! at the top of it’s tiny, bubbly, refreshing soda-lungs. Why yes, Squirt it shall be! From the first sip – I was hooked. A whole lot more citrusy than your Sprites or 7-Ups or Mysts of all stripes – Squirt also isn’t SO carbonated that you wince at a healthy swig. And pour it in a glass and you’ll see – it’s kind of a cloudy, white liquid – not clear like the other brands I referenced. It’s..well..citrusy. Kind of lemon, lime, orange all mixed together. And DAMN is it tasty! So, by this time, I’m back at my house and I’m thinking – this stuff is WAY too good. I proceeded to drink a whole 2-litre bottle in about an hours time. And then that evil little corner of my brain starts in on me “Gee, fella, what was that? Like 900 calories worth of soda? Not too good, pal!” But what if there was a diet variety, I wondered? So the next day, I raced to the same store and ran down the aisle and sure enough – Diet Squirt – right there next to the hard stuff. Oh happy day! Much beverage enjoyment was to follow sans caloric guilt! Cut to a couple of weeks later – I’m back home from my vacation – and I’m making out my shopping list and I think “Diet Squirt – got to gets me some more of that!” No dice. They don’t have it. I went to a second store – nope. Then a third – then a fourth. Nothing. Turns out, the Squirt is kind of a regional thing. Perhaps more widely distributed in other parts of the country – but on the east coast – I’ve only ever found it in the Carolinas and Pennsylvania. On a recent trip to PA – I happened upon it in a local grocer and hoarded the 2 cases they had on the shelf. I’m fairly certain I could scare up crystal meth in a school zone easier than I could find Diet Squirt in a grocery store in Virginia. Being the diligent shopper that I am – and armed with a BIT of soda knowledge, I’ve come to learn that Squirt is the delicious cousin of the 7-Up family of sodas. That also includes your Dr. Pepper and your Snapple. Next time I visit yonder groceria, I intend to make a special request of my grocer to direct their 7-Up delivery guy to scare up a couple of cases of Diet Squirt on their next delivery. Meanwhile, my measily 2 cases stare at me from the pantry and beckon!