My One Subway Critique

Mookie here; not dead, just way too busy — what with work, and vacation, and work, and so on and so forth. Don’t have much time, and I certainly do not want to detract from the hilarious musings spewing forth from my Hetero Life Partner Skippy, but I did want to chime in with a brief crumb that has wedged its way between my back molars . . . and it is all related to our favor-ite good-food-served-quickly restaurant, Subway!

Okay, so what is it with the Subway Sandwich Technicians that they cannot, for the life of them, cut a foot long sandwich in half ALL THE WAY THROUGH?!

I only have my own experiences to go by, but in the Umpty-Thousand times I have gone to Ye Olde Subway and ordered my Footlong Sandwich Du Jour, when I have settled in, unwrapped, and gone to begin upon a half, the sandwich has NEVER (and I repeat NEV-ER) been cut all the way through — there is always a little piece of the bread on the bottom, by the “hinge” (that’s Mookie-Speak for the portion of the sub-bun attaching the top and bottom halves), that is still attached . . . let’s call it the “Lepticus”. The result of a Lepticus is that, to one extent or another, the Sub Eater (that’s me) has a difficult time separating the two halfs of the Sub resulting, in the mildest Lepticus instance, in a slight delay to your Sub enjoyment as you rip the Lepticus, to, in the most severe Lepticus instance, a wholesale dismantling of the sandwich as you try and rip through a particularly tenacious Lepticus which tears the Sub not at the Lepticus but half-way down one side or another of the Sub thereby spilling the delicious goodness inside and turning your sublime Sub into nothing better than an oblong open-faced sandwich.

This just will not do.

So, perhaps this is just me (if it has happened to others, please leave a comment and let me know — perhaps I will start a petition), but to the good gods of Subway, to the Subway Sandwich Technicians and SST Trainers, to the officers, directors and shareholders of Doctors Associates, Inc., and its network of franchisees worldwide — PLEASE, slice true, and slice well, and rid the world of the nefarious Lepticus! We, the Sub Eaters of the world, thank you.

These are the problems I face on a daily basis; in thy mercy; Amen.

And that’s all I have to say about that.


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