U.S. Male

I got a letter from my homeowners association.  Seems the general upkeep of my property – and specifically, my mailbox – were not UP to their exacting standards.  Nope, my pooh-brown mailbox post had become faded to more of a tan-ish color and the mailbox itself had faded from it’s once ebony glory to a grayish and unacceptable hue.  It wasn’t like the thing was rusted off it’s hinges or an eye-sore or anything like that.  And it’s not that I’m particularly cheesed off at the homeowners association – I’m embarrassed that they called me out.  Sure, I realized the thing was a little faded – but I certainly never intended to become a blight on the neighborhood.  What was the real pain in the ass was downloading all the color “specs” and going to the hardware store to get all the mis-en-place required to rectify the situation.  And when you stroll up to the counter at the local hardware boutique and ask for the particular shade of pooh-brown required for the task – you’re outed straight away by any Glidden-jockey worth his salt.  “Ah, the mailbox police busted you, eh??”  Because this is such a worthless and uninteresting shade of brown that no sane person would ever actually paint anything with it in an effort to beautify the object in question.  So, twenty bucks later and about an hours time I am once again an upstanding citizen and my box is ready to receive the various pornography and illicit materials my carrier regularly drops off into my proper, white-bread community.  God forbid such contraband be deposited in a faded, sub-standard receptacle!  Nope, I can once again hold my head high – Harry Homeowner #1!  An NO – that is not a photo of MY mailbox – it’s clipart smartass!

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